Please & Thank You Monthly Update: April 2025

I Can't Hear A Thing

Isn't music great? I'm asking honestly. I don't know. I'm not allowed to listen to music. The doctor said that I have a condition where repeated rhythmic sounds make me sick, so I avoid all music all the time. So my initial question is genuine. Is music really great? I bet it is. It's been so long since I've heard any that I don't really remember what it's like. 

The closest I get to listening to music these days is hearing birds chirping, but even then I have to be careful because if they chirp too rhythmically, my stomach starts to hurt and I get a terrible rash on my eyes and in my mouth. 

Anyway, enough about my many horrible maladies. Let's talk about how nice it is outside. I'm hoping it will be nice outside when you read this email. I hope you're reading it outside in the sunshine. I hope you're in one of those swan-shaped paddle boats that I've seen in movies and cartoons before. Those seem nice. I would like to pilot one of those great plastic swans some day. 

I've been saving up to purchase a swan boat, but I never seem to be able to reach my financial goal because other cool things keep coming my way that cost money. For example, just the other day I saw an advertisement in the local newspaper for a huge collection of ornate bibs. I couldn't believe that somebody was selling such an incredible collection, so I did what any rational being would do and I bought them all immediately. Unfortunately, it drained my meager life savings, but at least I've got these bibs now. 

These aren't all normal baby bibs either. These are the type of bibs that you get from seafood restaurants. You know, they're the kind that servers give you because they know the food they are about to present to you is not only delicious, but also intensely sloppy and greasy and wet. I love those restaurants almost as much as I love going to concerts. 

You might think that it's weird that I go to concerts even though I'm not allowed to listen to music, but it's not weird. I wear really powerful earplugs so I don't have to hear a thing. I go to enjoy the colorful lights, energetic performances, and sense of community that I get from being in a room with fellow concertgoers. 

I highly recommend going to a concert, especially if you've never tried it before. It's really fun and exciting and sweaty. Even if you're like me and you're not allowed to listen to music because a doctor told you not to, you can still go and have a fun evening because of the sights and aromas that are generated at a high-quality concert event. Concert smells are smells you will never forget. I can promise you that. 

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